I recently completed two investigations that by comparison were polar opposites of each other. Both cases involved single moms whose children were victims of sexual assault.
The first case demonstrated the common sense, devotion and love of a dedicated mother who did the right thing in protecting her children.
The second case was one of the most despicable cases of parent neglect I have ever investigated.
In any event, I felt it was important for all parents to know exactly what steps they needed to take if they ever heard those horrific words, “I’ve been touched,” and I would like to share them with you.
CASE ONE:
After a hard day at work, Debbie settled down into her favorite recliner allowing the stress and tension that had built up over the last eight hours to melt away from her neck and shoulders.
Closing her eyes, she began to enjoy the peace and quiet that had fallen over her living room.
Suddenly, her eyes quickly shot open. Realizing the silence she was enjoying was not normal she jumped from her chair and hurried into her son’s room.
There she found her five-year-old lying on top of his four-year-old sister, both children was without clothes.
Frantic at the sight, Debbie screamed, “Bobby, what are you doing?” hearing his mothers voice he jumped off his sister and in five year old fashion answered, “nothing.”
Debbie yelled for both children to put their clothes on and after that asked her son, where he had learned that type of behavior.
Bobby told her he didn’t know. Turning her attention to her daughter, she reiterated the question and as she did, Bobby hollered to his sister, “Lisa, don’t tell or they’ll hurt us.”
Suddenly, Debbie felt flushed with panic and a lump formed in her throat. “Honey, has someone touched you where they are not supposed to,” she asked.
“Yes mommy,” Lisa answered, and with her answer, I began another sexual assault case involving two little kids who were the victims of sexual abuse.
CASE TWO:
Sitting with her Guidance Counselor, Rhonda softly recounted the three times she had been touched by her mother’s boyfriend.
Over the past two-years, this 14-year-old little girl experienced the fear, embarrassment and stigma that is associated with sexual molestation.
After each filthy occurrence, she sought her mother’s help and protection by calling out for her in the middle of the night only to have her mother fail her by not taking the appropriate action.
In an interview with her mother, she told me she simply had no proof to back-up what her daughter was telling her.
In utter disgust, I listened to one pitiful excuse after another as this mother continued to protect her boyfriend while disregarding her parental responsibilities and her daughter needs.
Finally, as the meeting concluded she looked at me and tearfully admitted, “I needed his paycheck to keep the house running.”
In all my years investigating sexual assaults, one thing has become blatantly clear.
When your five-year-old comes to you and says, “Uncle Harry touched my pee pee,” or your teenager tells you your significant other has “touched me inappropriately,” you must take the following steps.
1. Believe - Above anything else, you must believe them. Youngsters do not have the propensity to lie about such gruesome things because they do not understand sexual behavior.
In short, unless children are subjected to it there is no way they can act it out or make it up.
When it comes to teenagers, they certainly may lie to you about where they have been or whom they may associate.
However, when it comes to sexual abuse my experience has shown me that if they are able to muster up the courage to tell you about it, it is a safe bet it happened.
2. Remove - Upon learning your child is a victim of sexual abuse you have to take the necessary steps to remove them from the situation.
Immediately upon hearing where the assault took place whether it is your own home, the babysitter’s home or daycare center, you have to make sure you remove them from the environment and/or the person responsible.
3. Report - After taking the steps to ensure they are safe contact their doctor and make an appointment for a physical examination.
This will allow testing for exposure to any STD’s and it will also preserve and document any physical evidence that will be important down the road.
Next, call the police and report it. Most police departments have detectives specifically trained in sexual assault investigations, which is all they do.
If you do not want to go forward, at least the detective will be able to file a report preserving the information and offer you resources and advice regarding the issue.
4. Support - Make sure you support your child. Consultation with an experienced counselor or therapist specifically trained in counseling individuals who are victims of traumatic experiences such as sexual assault is paramount to your childs mental health.
Let them know you are there for them and will do whatever it takes to ensure they remain safe and get the help they deserve.
Most importantly, tell them you love them and that you will support them throughout the entire process with any decisions they make.
In addition, it is important for you to know that because of the emotional toll sexual molestation has on an individual.
The laws in most states allow for an extended period in which to report. In New Hampshire, a victim has 22 years after their eighteenth birthday in which to contact the police and file a complaint.
Regarding the above, I made an arrest in both investigations. In case one, I arrested two juveniles and the case is working its way through the court system.
In case number two. I arrested the boyfriend and charged him with three counts of Aggravated Felonious Sexual Assault he is currently awaiting trial.
Also arrested was the mother in the second incident, I charged her with endangering the welfare of a child. The Division for Children, Youth and Families (DCYF) also stepped in and filed on her.
The teenagers father now has permanent custody, anything less would have simply been unacceptable.
Rick Labell is a keynote speaker and author. He has taken his professional experiences of a 25-year law enforcement career and his own personal story of a violent alcoholic family to educate students about staying safe. You can contact him at: http://www.labellpresentations.com
